This Endless Moment - Introduction

A new book by Wayne C. Allen

Preface and Introduction

Preface

First of all, a word about me, so you’ll know where I’m coming from. I’m a psychotherapist, in private practice, and began that work in 1981. I work with clients using a humanistic and transpersonal framework, and my other life focus comes from Zen Buddhism. I see my role much more as a teacher than as a therapist, per se, as my goal is to help clients come up with more elegant ways of living their lives.

My partner in life and in the pleasure of living is Darlene MacNaughton. We’ve been together since 1983, and my life with her is amazing and rich. Dar teaches hearing-impaired 7th and 8th graders, and she simply and joyfully lives the principles suggested in this book. I call her Dar, and that’s what you’ll find as you read.

Two things about what you’ll be reading. First of all, I mention The Haven and Ben Wong and Jock McKeen a lot in this book. The best way to get a flavour of their perspective, which is almost identical to mine, is to visit their Web site at http://www.haven.ca.

Getting your hands on their books would be a great idea too! They’re available at their Web site or from us at ours.

Second, I use quotation marks around many words. For instance, “true.” I am following the authors of Language, Structure and Change here—they indicate that good constructivists know that what we call “objective reality,” true or false, right or wrong, etc., are simply expressions of personal perspective. They use the term “objectivity in quotation marks,” and suggest enclosing such words in quotation marks to remind us of this. The bibliographic reference to their book appears in the text.

Introduction

This book is the result of a client request—that I write a small book of essays reminding clients of the salient points of my understanding of living the enlightened life. This book consists of ideas and concepts I find essential to anyone seeking a rich and full life. The ideas are interconnected seeds—the order of the topics in the book is arbitrary rather than sequential. You’ll find that ideas circle and loop around. I encourage you to read each thought as a whole unto itself, and also as a part of a larger picture.

Clients come in for therapy because something isn’t working (or several somethings aren’t). Yet, on an entirely different level (and the point of this book), the real issue is not what isn’t working. The real issue is that they don’t understand that solving their issue requires that they behave differently.

There is an internal battle going on in each of us, between the seductive siren song of staying stuck in the “way I’ve always done life” and the orderly discipline of doing things in another way.

Most people waste their lives doing everything they can think of to get others to do things differently. There is a considerable emotional investment in this effort. (Let me be clear about which effort we are talking about: the effort of trying to get the world to cooperate in making you happy. Now “the world” can be a boss, or a partner, one’s parents or kids, friends, or the person serving you a double fat-free latte.)

The first step toward wisdom is to understand that you can’t manipulate others or the world to make you happy.

In a sense, all that I ever “teach” clients (and all I ever remind myself) is this: I am responsible for me, and I am responsible for how I choose to approach my life. Nothing else is going on. This is such a simple point that it flies directly over the head of 95 per cent of the population.

You’ll discover that I love telling stories. Here’s the first:

I watched this misunderstanding (which I suppose you could call the “What Do You Mean I Have to Fix Me?” game) surface and resurface at a Zazen workshop Dar and I attended. The sensei (teacher) was a bubbly woman, full of the simplicity of a Zen focus. In a sense, Zen can be reduced to Zazen,¹ because in the end there is nothing to understand. There is just being fully present in this moment . . . and this moment . . . and this moment. (Sort of the point of this book.)

The sensei said Zen is not a religion, nor a philosophy, nor a therapy. Someone raised his hand. He sighed, deeply. He said, “I am a practising Catholic, a philosopher, and a psychotherapist. You’re asking me to give up everything I believe.” (Well, no, she wasn’t.) He expressed his discomfort and sadness over his life, trotted out his belief system, sighed, and said, in effect, “Here’s what I know. It doesn’t cut it for me any more. I find no satisfaction in it, but I’ll be damned if I’ll give it up.”

Sensei smiled and said, “Just listen, then just sit and breathe.”

Another woman kept trying to add New Age concepts and bells and whistles to the Zazen. She wanted candles, she wanted music and waterfalls, and she really wanted visions. Sitting and staring at a wall wasn’t chargy enough, she said. Always seeking, never finding. Sensei smiled and said, “Your mind is too busy on other things. Just sit, stare at the wall, and breathe.”

I really am convinced that the key to figuring yourself out is finding a way to remind yourself “how life is.” My plan is to encourage you to look into yourself, to slow down, to shut up, and to relax a bit. You’ll find ideas for changing your focus, for letting go of the need to be other than who you are, and especially ideas for letting go of tilting against the world. Much of the drama goes away when I simply settle in for the ride, stay present in the moment, and accept responsibility for my drama (or lack of it . . . sometimes, the more elegant choice).

In the end, there is only one way out. Here it is, in short form:

Everything is a figment of your imagination. Nothing is happening to you. Life just is. Now, get over yourself! And have a breath!

More on these fundamental ideas on the next few pages!

Please note! When I write I always insert the following caveat: I often write that no one hurts us without our cooperation—that “the hand on the knife that is stabbing us” is our own. This applies only to non-physical interactions. Physical violence is never OK and is never to be accepted. Emotions, on the other hand, need to be expressed, witnessed, and gotten over. For a really excellent book about this, see the book list in chapter 7, and order Anger, Boundaries and Safety by my friend Joann Peterson.

Endnote
1. Zen means “to understand the essence of the universe,” za, “to sit without moving, like a mountain.” Zen is neither a theory nor an idea; it is not an intellectual concept. It is a practice: correct sitting. Zazen practice brings about an interior revolution: a deep wisdom whose essence is unattainable through logical thought alone.

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